Oscars

I made it my goal this year to watch all of the best picture nominated films, and I finally succeeded, even though there were TEN this year! WAHOO!

It's hard for me to pick my favorite movie, because I don't really know how to pick which movie I liked more. If I was going by how hard I cried at a movie, then Up would win Best Picture (UNLIKELY). If it was the movie's ability to make me sexually attracted to a 10-foot tall blue alien, then An Education, duh. HA just kidding, Avatar.

But when it comes down to it, I think I like Hurt Locker the best. I got CHILLS at the last scene. Moon wasn't nominated, but I think I liked that more than any of the movies that were nominated. WTF Academy?

Up in the Air was really cute though, and I loved Anna Kendrick's performance. GAH I don't know what to pick!

It seems that the frontrunners are Avatar and Hurt Locker, and I feel like it all depends on what people feel the best picture award should reflect: should it be about best encapsulating this year, or should it be the film that has the most staying power? I mean, people remember Gone with the Wind, but do they remember...the Lost Weekend (1945 winner)? My only thing about Avatar is that there are a whole slough of technical and artistic awards that Avatar should obviously win. I just don't know if it deserves Best Picture.

2012 vs Moon: Movie SHOWDOWN

This isn't really much of a showdown, because one movie is amazing, and the other is a piece of horrifying trash in comparison.

2012 is one of the worst movies I've seen in a LONG time. Normally I like really bad movies (National Treasure-type movies), but this was pretty awful. Oh John Cusack, what has happened to you? First of all, I refuse to believe ANYTHING that happened: a decrepit camper outruns volcanic lava and flying fireballs, a tiny twin-engine plane outflies the resulting giant ash cloud, and because the landing gear on a jumbo jet is damaged (when they fly from California to CHINA), the intrepid heroes get in a bentley, lower the ramp, and drive off the ramp onto a glacier. And they survive! Also, people seem to be able to use cell phones willy nilly (I REFUSE to believe that cell phone towers are still working when the San Andreas fault basically explodes and tips Los Angeles into the pacific. I barely get cell service in non-apocalyptic times). Also, satellite images are apparently still flawless? Now to be fair, I don't know a lot about satellites, but if the entirety of the earth's crust has shifted so that the north pole is in Wisconsin, don't you think that would have some sort of impact on the satellites? The close-up effects are...so bad I can barely stand it. Um 2002 called, they want their effects back? But it's even worse than 2002 because the Matrix was 1999 and that was awesome.

Also, this happens:

This is some guy's reaction to the ark almost crashing into a glacier. METHOD ACTOR. I really believed the giant ark that a fraction of the population is on and that almost capsized because a single cable blocked the mechanism that closed the doors was about to crash into the side of Mt. Everest. Here is his reaction when they don't die (SHOCKING):

WHERE IS THIS GUY'S OSCAR.

The movie does bring up one interesting issue of what we (as a world) should do faced with this kind of catastrophe: do a lottery to determine who will repopulate the earth, or sell tickets onto the arks (1 billion euro a seat) in order to finance the project while also hand-picking the "perfect" group of people needed to create a strong gene pool? FASCINATING. Not the "gripping interpersonal tale" that Aubrey snarked that it would be, but interesting. Thinking about that distracted me from the horror of the effects and acting.

Moral of the story: watch Moon. I don't need to talk it up because if you don't watch it, you're missing out. Here's all I'll say: music by Clint Mansell (of Requiem for a Dream fame), amazing acting by Sam Rockwell, and makes you think without hitting you over the head with moral messages or anything. It is just...SO WELL DONE.

Requiem for a fucking NIGHTMARE.

So I was watching Olympics pairs figure skating, and one of the pairs, I think it was the Canadian team, used the song from Requiem for a Dream, which I had never seen before. I thought the song was hauntingly beautiful, so I watched the movie. BIG MISTAKE. I thought it was going to be one of those drug movies where it is realistic but a little hopeful at the end. I don't know WHY I thought that. Seriously, it is so depressing I wanted to end my life, and I know I joke about that all the time but I was kind of serious. I knew it was a bad idea when I didn't run it by Aubrey first. Here is the last scene, if you care to shoot your brains out. (This isn't even the worst parts. Seriously, don't watch the movie.) I don't know what's worse: when Ellen Burstyn's friends come and visit her at the mental institution and she looks like a corpse, or the look on Jennifer Connelly's face when she curls up on the couch clutching her drugs/money after her "perverted show for heroin and cash" (Wikipedia's words, not mine). The song just makes it SO much worse.

ANYWAY. So the Olympics kind of started this fiasco, so I figured they owed me. I cried my eyes out a few Olympics commercials like this one and this one, but I still felt like shit. Then I watched Shen and Zhao skate and it was amazing. Check their short program here. I heart the Olympics so hard.

I leave you with this super cute kitten to wash the taste of heroin and crazy pills (from Requiem, not the Olympics, silly) from your mouth. I even used a pink border on the clip. You're WELCOME.



ps. I was going to try to find a screenshot or something from Requiem bc I like when blog posts have pictures but no way. I started getting stressed and depressed as soon as I did the google image search. No THANK you.

I heart movies

I saw a SHIT TON of movies this weekend (When in Rome, Hurt Locker, An Education, Precious, Up in the Air, Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging, ETC.), but want to tell you about only one of them. The Oscar ones will be part of my epic Oscar Best Picture noms post once I finish watching all of them. So keep your eyes metaphorically peeled for that.

I wanted to see When in Rome as soon as I saw the trailer. I mean, what’s not to like? Kristen Bell is as cute as a button, Will Arnett, Jon Heder, Dax Shepard (who KB is engaged to BTW) and Danny DeVito are hysterical, and Josh Duhamel is attractive enough to make me hot for the military (see Transformers). I thought I was going to like it, and I WAS RIGHT. It has everything I need in a movie: a plucky and sassy protagonist (who I TOTALLY identified with) who is career-oriented and can’t stand to be away from her Blackberry for more than 12 seconds, a hot guy who played football but is still in super good shape and has a crush (omg.) on said protagonist, and, of course, comedy in the form of these guys:


People probably think that the whole “taking coins from a magic fountain makes the person who threw it in fall in love with you” thing is ridiculous, and they’d be right. But they need to get over it. That’s the whole point! If we didn’t have ridiculous plot devices, we’d literally watch the same movie over and over again. How is the coin device more ridiculous than the plot of Twelfth Night (“Duke has a crush on Olivia who likes Sebastian who is really Viola whose brother is dating Monique so she hates Olivia who’s with Duke to make Sebastian jealous who is really Viola who’s crushing on Duke who thinks she’s a guy…”)?

I watched it with Claire and we had such a good time. We were two of about six people total in the theater, and we were loving life. We were the only ones laughing hysterically at the scene where Kristen Bell tries to break the vase, even though I’d seen pretty much the entire thing in the trailer. The movie also included this song which we love and used to have dance parties 1L year where we BLASTED the song and danced around like crazy people instead of studying. Per the yoozh.

Sidebar: I first heard How Far We’ve Come when I was at the gym and was watching music videos (I know RIGHT) while on the elliptical and saw the one for the song and I may have cried a little bit. No big deal. I mean it shows all the great human achievements and stuff like Tienanmen square?! How can you NOT cry? Sidesidebar: I also kind of cried at the Google Superbowl commercial, and just cried a little bit watching it again.

ANYWAY, watch When in Rome for a laugh and an awwww. Maybe not worth $10 to you, but it was to me, and will prob still be worth a $3 rental in a few months.

I'm just not that into your movie

I am often accused of having no standards when it comes to movies, and in a certain way I guess it's true. I mean, I not only enjoyed National Treasure, I also liked National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets. However, I think really bad movies are actually really hilarious. I'm not going to try to argue that there should have been Oscar buzz about NT2, but come on. It's hysterical in how bad it is. Some gentleman came up to me in the lobby of the theater afterward I watched it (YES I saw it in the theater get over it) and snapped at me for laughing so loudly during the movie. He said something along the lines of "You guys were annoying the whole theater." I snapped back with "Well, at least I wasn't the one taking National Treasure 2 seriously."

AnyOLDHOO, I recently watched "He's Just Not That Into You" and it was the worst experience ever. I actually watched the movie last week, but I was so mad about it that I probably would have been incoherent had I tried to vent about it back then. For me the pain was still too near. When I read the book, I felt like the heavens had opened up and [insert name of the deity of your choice] was smiling upon me and saying "It's okay Tina, sometimes boys are retarded. Ain't no thang." Like the title suggests, the book basically verbally assaults women for making excuses for guys who probably are just not that into them. The MOVIE, however, totally perverts that message. After Ginnifer Goodwin convinces herself that Justin Long is in love with her and not only convinces herself that he asked her to "co-host" his party, but also sexually assaults him, Justin Long admonishes her for doing exactly what he's been telling her not to do this whole time: convince yourself that a guy is in love with you when he hasn't given any overt signs. She thought she was the exception and not the rule. BUT THEN, Justin Long later realizes that he DOES love her, and professes his love, which is when this happens:

[Justin Long kisses Ginnifer Goodwin]
GG (incidentally, her name is Gigi in the movie): ...I'm the exception...
JL (NOT named Jill, unfortunately): [whispers] you're *my* exception.
[I GUFFAW AND VOMIT]

Don't even get me started on the other story lines. Jennifer Connelly is an annoying shrew of a wife who cares more about whether her husband is smoking than about the fact that he cheated on her? Irritating. Drew Barrymore is in charge of advertising at a gay magazine and they make her lisp out "Myspace" and "Facebook" and whine about how technology has made everything more complicated? Disjointed and useless. (Also false. Technology is amazing and wonderful.) The fact that they made Scarlett Johansson look fat? PREPOSTEROUS. How bad do you have to be at film-making to make one of the most beautiful women ever look like a chubby loser?

So in conclusion, don't watch the movie. Here is a list of (girly) movies that you should watch instead:

• Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightley version)
  
• Love Actually (my fave Christmas movie and the way a vignette movie should be done. Sidebar: I'm afraid of how bad that movie Valentine's Day is going to be.)
  
• Marie Antoinette
  
• Stardust
  
• Bridget Jones' Diary
  
• basically ANYTHING ELSE EVER