Space

This is one of the most beautiful videos I have ever seen.

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

Dunce Haus of Gaga

Okay, so I heard Gaga’s new song “Born This Way” on the radio, and I hate it. Here is why:

1. It is a legitimately bad song. I’ll sometimes hear Poker Face or Paparazzi on the radio, and despite having heard those songs hundreds of times, I STILL sing along and love every second of it. So Happy I Could Die and Monster are two of my favorite Gaga songs, and they are INFINITELY better than the tripe she came up with this time. The stupid Born This Way song has a ripped-off tune--it doesn’t even sample; it’s straight up Express Yourself but slightly faster and with painfully one-dimensional and pandering lyrics.

2. It is condescending. There’s something about lyrics that are so obvious and feel the need to spell its message out for its intended audience that is SO annoying. It’s like Gaga/her writers feel that her audience isn’t savvy or smart enough to understand subtlety. Here’s a snippet:

No matter gay, straight or bi
lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to survive

It may as well say “HEY GAYS, THIS SONG IS FOR YOU, JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW. ALSO DON’T BE A DRAG JUST BE A QUEEN.” She has taken a very powerful and poignant issue, and turned it into a one-dimensional problem. Lots of songs highlight a specific aspect or are simplified, but her lyrics are meant to ingratiate herself to the gay community. I feel like the only people who will actually like the song are non-gays in...Ohio or something who want to be supportive of the gay rights movement, and think this is the best way to do so. But that’s only because they DON’T KNOW the true multi-faceted nature of the gay struggle.

3. Every time I hear the song, I am reminded that Lady Gaga is SUPER condescending. The fact that she is PRESUMPTUOUS enough to basically appoint herself a gay icon is the most patronizing thing I can think of. I’m really glad that she is so supportive of gay rights, but bitch, you can’t decide that you’re an icon. “Hello gays of the world, I have emerged from my EGG to grace you with a song about your struggles. Use it as your anthem! YOU’RE WELCOME. Gaga OUT. (...or AUT).”

Seriously WHAT was up with that egg bullshit at the Grammy’s this year? I think it’s incredibly rude to attend an awards ceremony but refuse to emerge from your vehicle (that’s basically what it was...) until it’s YOUR turn to perform. Her ME ME ME attitude is really getting on my nerves. I like some of her outfits, but she’s getting a little nuts. Can you imagine how annoying it was to sit behind her when she wore that red lace bodysuit+crown number? Or remember how she had some crazy beekeeper get up for her sister’s graduation? “Congrats on graduating from high school honey, but I’m going to use this opportunity to get more attention for myself! WHEE!!” Fifty years from now, Gaga’s sister’s kids are going to be like “Um mom, why is there a psycho beekeeper in this picture of your high school graduation?”

She always says that “this is who I am” or whatever, but really? What you are is RUDE. She is just one giant publicity stunt, and frankly, I’m getting tired of it. Especially since she isn’t making good songs to make up for her famewhoring.

PS. Go HERE to read James St. James' (of Party Monster fame) feelings about the song. Spoiler alert: he also hates it. Whoo!

Step two: Judgment Day

Last night I drove up to WeHo to hang out with Aubrey and Will for Valentine’s day. As soon as I arrived, I was hurried into the apartment so we could watch the end of Jeopardy: the IBM challenge, where an IBM computer with an AI program (See the Wiki article here), played against the Jeopardy champion who had won the most money ever, and the champion with the longest winning streak. It was simultaneously amazing and TERRIFYING. The computer has a voice, and answers questions like it’s a person. GAAAAAAAAAAH! Seriously if this was a movie, a static-y clip from this Jeopardy series (it’s a three-day tournament) would be the opening scene, and the next scene would feature humanity in a dusty wasteland hiding/running from the machines who have decided we need to be destroyed, or something. Yayyyy....

I was seriously sad every time Watson (that’s it’s name) would get an answer wrong, because the color on Watson’s screen would kind of dim and get “sad”. It reminded me of GERTY’s faces in Moon:


But don’t be fooled--it’s just how it makes us feel sorry for them so we don’t prepare for the coming apocalypse.

And IBM has been up to this since the 90s, when it created a computer (called Deep Blue) that was able to beat Garry Kasparov, the reigning chess world champion. So if we do end up as slaves to the machine overlords, at least we’ll know who to blame.

Nerdly McStupid

In an effort to staunch the wound that is my growing illiteracy and retardedness ever since I graduated from school (hopefully forever), I have been reading a lot, and also trying to learn new things about the world. Example: I have bookmarked this and this. In case you are too lazy to actually click on the hyperlinks, the first is a yale video course on game theory, and the second is a series of lectures on valuation and investing. I figured the second one would be useful in my work where I use the terms “depreciation and amortization” and “ebitda” on an at least weekly basis without really knowing what they mean.

Don’t worry, my plan to stay smart (ish) is not going very well, as I spent all day in bed alternating between reading THIS BOOK (a gift from my bestie Maris), napping, and watching random television. This is a work in progress, that I will probably end up abandoning like my other project to learn how to sew. (Spoiler alert: it ended with me using packaging tape to hem my skirt)

Painlates

My friend Wendy and I have decided to be more active and less lazy slobs, so we’ve actually been DOING STUFF. It boggles the mind. For example, on Saturday, when it was 80 degrees...in JANUARY, we went to the beach in Santa Monica and watched her friend’s ultimate frisbee team play in some competition. Her friend also taught us how to throw frisbees and stuff. And then we had brunch at Shutters, which is this amazing hotel right on the water that is just a dream and a half. We bought a Groupon-esque deal (Living Social, to be precise) for five pilates SPX classes while we stuffed our faces on lemon ricotta pancakes and eggs Benedict. IRONIC.

Anyways, the place that we bought the deal for (here) has its own deal where you can try the first class for free, so we went yesterday. I don’t know if you know what SPX Pilates is, but it involves a Medieval rack-like machine that you work out on. It was...so amazingly hard. It didn’t help that the lady who was teaching the class we took was...not the nicest, and would yell stuff llike “Come on, you’re only here for a little bit out of your day, ten more seconds, ten more seconds out of 24 hours, come ON!” It was...stressful. I want my trainers to be nice and say “follow your heart and listen to your body,” especially when I already feel so self-conscious contorting myself on what is basically a death trap.

Anyways, it was obviously an amazing workout because I dropped my keys on the floor of my room and didn’t bother picking them up (aka I COULDN’T) because it hurt too much to bend over. My abs have recovered, but weird muscles in my back that I didn't know exist now are in a not insignificant amount of pain. It’s the sting of success...or something. I’m glad that we bought the deal before we tried it out though, because I totally would have pussied out and not bought it. Now I HAVE to go to five more sessions. Yayyyy....SOB.

hiyo 2011!

WOW it has been a long time since I updated this thing! Apologies to the...zero people who actually read this thing. Here are some developments that have happened in my life since SEPTEMBER:

1. Got a job. I work for a real estate appraiser doing miscellaneous bitch office work. I recently got a new co-worker who is dumber than a bag of rocks. Seriously...more stories coming soon.

2. Got a new place. I live in a house in westchester (right by the airport) with four other people. I share the upstairs with a super nice girl who works in the movie biz (duh this is LA), and I get free premium cable because one of my downstairs roommates (three guys) works at directv. I have so many choices I can hardly decide what to watch. Right now terminator salvation (TOTALLY underrated, btw) is on mute while I focus about 43% of my energy/attention to this post.

3. Um...other than that, nothing much is new. My life is SO boring. OH WAIT. Today I realized that my loans are not only due, but are and have been accruing interest this WHOLE time. YIPPEE! I mean, I knew that they were, but god it sucks to be reminded. Now I can use all the money I’m making to pay off my loans. JK I have to pay rent. And eat food. Life is hard.

And just in time for my suicide-inducing realization (you do NOT even want to know how much I owe) THIS article jumps up at me on my work computer. I almost burst into hysterical tears in the office. Being poor is le worst.