HA.

Okay, before I finish off my livejournal account once and for all, I am salvaging the only two possibly slightly funny things.

1.
Background: I'm taking an english class over the summer and it is FOUR WEEKS of hamlet. Fun. Sort of. Anyway, we're doing this film comparison paper and we got into groups and we each watch a different movie version. So, my group got assigned a Russian version called Gamlet, which caused us lots of needless pain, let me tell you. After looking at every library in the United States, literally, we realized that the only DVD copy with English subtitles only existed at the Stanford University library. Great. So, we pulled out a phone book and started calling every single video store in the greater Seattle area. We excluded thems places that were obvious, such as "Wallingford Adult Video Store" (that's just a made up example)and the like. Finally, the last place I called was Top Video, which I didn't think was one of those places, but alas, it was, and fortunately for me, the following conversation occurred: [ed. note: this was a phone convo]

Guy Who Works There: Top Video: how can i help you?
Me: Um, do you carry Gamlet? It's a Russian version of Hamlet?
Guy: What?
Me: Gamlet? Hamlet? Hello? HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?!?!?!
Guy: What's Hamlet?
Me: William Shakespeare's Hamlet? You don't know it? (Somewhat incredulous, as I have been studying only this for the last two weeks and have convinced myself that it is the only book that has ever and will ever exist)
Guy: Oh, like [in robot voice, seriously] "to be or not to be, that is the question!"
Me: Yes, I'm familiar with the play.
Guy: Sweetheart, this is a porno store.
Me: Oh.
Guy: If we had anything like what you're looking for, it'd be "Ham-LICK" or something. [him laughing like a crazy person on loon tablets and gas ensues]
Me: Um, what?
Guy: I'm a professional comedian, and that one was free.
Me: [continue to be utterly horrified]
Guy: So wasn't it funny?
Me: Um, kno. Bye.

2.
A conversation I recently had with a customer at work:

Me: How are you?
Customer: Oh, just peachy. How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm grape.

I kid you not.

***
Thank you, livejournal, for reminding me of what an idiot I am.